Families Need Recovery To

Families Need Recovery To: A Look at Codependency & Enabling

Codependency and enabling often emerge in families affected by addiction. Understanding these behaviors is crucial for families to break the cycle of addiction and foster a healthier environment for both the individual struggling with substance abuse and the family as a whole. Let’s discuss what these terms mean and how they manifest within families.

Codependency: A.K.A. The Overlapping Lives

Codependency is a pattern of behavior where a person excessively relies on someone else to fulfill their own emotional and psychological needs. In the context of addiction, codependent family members often center their lives around the addicted individual, prioritizing the addict’s needs and well-being over their own. Subsequently deprioritizing or minimizing the needs of other people in the home.

Key Characteristics of Codependency:

1. Excessive Caregiving: Codependent individuals often take on the role of caretaker. They try to manage and control the addicted person’s life as a way to protect them. They may handle responsibilities that the addicted person should be managing themselves. Even making excuses for missed obligations or covering up negative consequences.

2. Loss of Identity: Codependent family members may lose sight of their own needs, desires, and goals as they become increasingly focused on the addict’s behavior. Their sense of self-worth is often tied to the addict’s well-being and sobriety. When the addict begins to recover, and no longer requires care-taking, the codependent family member may struggle with redefining their purpose in life and in the family.

3. Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Codependent individuals struggle with setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. They may allow the addicted person to violate their personal limits repeatedly, leading to resentment and frustration. Guilt and fear-mongering play a significant role in this characteristic.

4. Enabling Behavior: Codependent behavior often goes hand in hand with enabling, where the codependent person’s actions inadvertently support the addiction. Especially when the addicted loved one is protected from experiencing natural consequences.

Enabling: A.K.A. Supporting the Addiction

Enabling behaviors are actions taken by family members that inadvertently allow the addicted individual to continue their substance use without facing the natural consequences of their actions. Enablers often believe they are helping, but their actions can actually perpetuate the addiction.

Common Enabling Behaviors:

1. Providing Financial Support: Giving money to the addicted person, either directly or by paying their bills, can enable them to continue purchasing substances. This financial support prevents them from experiencing the financial consequences of their addiction.

2. Covering Up: Making excuses for the addicted’s behavior, such as calling in sick for them at work or lying to friends and family about their whereabouts, shields them from the repercussions of their actions.

3. Taking Over Responsibilities: Handling responsibilities that the addicted person should be managing themselves, such as taking care of their children or household chores, prevents them from experiencing the full impact of their substance use.

4. Avoiding Confrontation: Avoiding discussions about the addiction, or its impact on the family, can create an environment where the issue is ignored, rather than addressed.

Moving Towards Healthier Relationships

Overcoming codependency and enabling behaviors requires a conscious effort and often professional support. Here are some steps families can take to break these patterns:

1. Education: Learning about addiction and its impact on family dynamics can empower family members to recognize codependent and enabling behaviors.

2. Setting Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial. This means saying no to requests that support the addiction and standing firm in the face of resistance. Boundaries are not about changing the addict’s behavior.  Boundaries are about changing your own behavior in order to protect your peace and safety.

3. Encouraging Accountability: Allowing the addicted individual to face the natural consequences of their actions can encourage them to take responsibility for their recovery.

4. Seeking Professional Help: Family therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to address these issues and develop healthier interaction patterns. Support groups for families of addicts, such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, offer valuable resources and community support.

5. Focusing on Self-Care: Family members must prioritize their own well-being. Engaging in activities that promote physical and emotional health, setting personal goals, and seeking support can help family members regain a sense of balance and independence.

Conclusion

Codependency and enabling are significant challenges in families dealing with addiction. By recognizing these behaviors and taking proactive steps to address them, families can create a healthier environment that supports both the individual’s recovery and the well-being of all family members. Breaking these patterns is a crucial part of the recovery process, leading to stronger, more resilient family relationships.